Baby Steps

Hi, I'm River Wench and I'm a 12-stepper. I have addictions to chocolate, coffee, and carbohydrates, and I'm the daughter of an alcoholic. I'm also the granddaughter, the niece, the friend, and probably several other distinctions, of alcholics.

Sadly, most of us are.

Luckily for me, several friend and family members suggested Al-Anon and after hemming and hawing for a few years, I finally ventured into a meeting. That was a little over two years ago.

I've been committed to my recovery, but probably not as dedicated as I could be. Eventually though, things surface. Someone makes a thoughtless comment, or you start to question your inability to put yourself first, and slowly, imperceptibly, change starts to happen.

Today Change is kicking my butt. It's painful and difficult to realize things about your loved ones. Especially parents. To start to understand how human they are, how much baggage they must be lugging around and how much more they've dumped on you.

Today I go to my regular weekly meeting. I've been disenchanted with this meeting lately. It's gotten too big, too repetetive. I need to immerse myself in a new meeting, experience the stories and conditions of people I haven't yet met. Spread my wings.

And forgive.

So easy to intellectualize. But the hurt child in me is still in the midst of her temper tantrum and needs a little more of the primal scream before she's ready to forgive.

But, for today, I'll go with an open mind, learn what I can, and treat myself to a latte at Starbucks.

Sometimes, it's the little things.