Coming Clean

Once upon a youth, I was an actor.  An actor/singer. An actor/singer/mover-weller (read: non-dancer). After years of trying to be blonder, brunetter, taller, shorter, a soprano, a bass, a ballerina (painful), older and younger, I got tired of the grind and turned my performing focus elsewhere.

It florished elsewhere for a few years. And then it floundered when I had my Boy. He became the focus of my life as happens to an older mother with only one child. When he was a baby, I'd often thought he'd be a good candidate for print work. He was such a happy, good natured little guy. And he loved (loves) interacting with people.

I'd been to auditions where there was a casting call for children going on in the same space. Being in close quarters like that, when you're trying to prepare for your own audition, is enough to make you want to have your tubes tied.  There were kids there who wanted to be there, kids who weren't sure if they wanted to be there, and kids whose parents wanted them to be there. They were wound up, cranky, tired and probably scared.

It's why people become substance abusers.

So here was my conundrum: actor parent with happy, laid-back kid. To take on rounds or not to take on rounds.

The decision was to not inflict the child with any additional neuroses he might already have acquired from us. A friend who has been in several national commercials with "child actors" has commented that these kids are constantly seeking approval in a high-pressure situation.

My kid is an approval seeker and I fear what would become of him, if he were in a position of having to repeat his work over and over again until he got director approval. It's painful to think about.

But now he's eight and a local professional theatre company is casting their Christmas show. I asked him the other day if he'd be interested in auditioning. His first question was: "Will I get paid?" In the end he decided to "think about it" and I haven't heard back from him. I think that's a good thing.

We like to say that our son has gotten the "ham" gene, and perhaps he has. But it appears that he's going to save it for when he gets older. Maybe for college. He'll have access to a much bigger Greek chorus then.