Excavations

I'm trying to get off the gardening kick, but I found several disturbing excavations in my garden early this evening.

SOMETHING had been digging there. Perhaps attempting to burrow. Maybe looking for food. Or the mother ship.

I'm not sure if it was the Dill Aliens (see previous post), since the excavations weren't near the dill and the excavator apparently tried to do its digging close enough to the driveway to run away quickly, if need be.

There are plenty of chipmunks and squirrels and other rodential types in the neighborhood. Maybe the mulch looked like an easy in for them. The digger did not seem to make much progress once it hit dirt.

This does not a happy camper make. It's fodder for a cranky camper. Because I've invested too much sweat and pride in my attempts at landscaping beautification. I thought I did very well as a novice.

Maybe this is a test. By the local rodent garden club.

Curse their cute rabid little rodent selves.

Eating Greens

The vegetable garden is bearing fruit, so to speak. And tonight, because it's so hot and I'm a bad planner, we're having dinner from the garden.

Salad.

Or, more appropriately, lettuce.

Filthy, dirty lettuce. I can't believe how much I have to wash this stuff to get off the dirt and the insects looking for a free ride. I am not one of those people who finds it exotic and exciting to eat insects.

And then there's the broccoli. Yes, broccoli. Broccoli from the garden. Hard to believe. It's a little less voluptuous than the grocery store broccoli, but it's actual broccoli. I have to say I find all this fresh produce a little awe-inspiring. Just go out to the garden, cut what you need, wash off the worm poop, cook the shit out of it, and eat it.

Yum. I'm salivating.

The thing about organic gardening is that it's probably way cheaper to buy your produce in the store. This salad we're having tonight, along with the broccoli, is probably a $26 salad.

I guess I'd better throw a little goat cheese in there.

Maybe, with the goat cheese, I can charge $28. Of course, on the children's menu tonight is leftover chicken tenders.

Yum. No worm poop on those tenders.

What a good mother am I!

But while I'm on the subject of gardening (I know, you thought I was done), aside from how our Victory Garden might put us in the poorhouse, it's a wonderful thing for the boy to experience. He goes out there with the "Farmer" (I use that term loosely) and digs in the dirt, shovels the dirt, and uses the Awesome Auger (it is!) to dig holes for little animals trying to escape from larger animals. What a learning experience. Better than private school. And way better than Sponge Bob.

Sponge Bob has been banned from this house by me. But I sorta forgot to mention it to the necessary parties.

Where was I? Oh yes... farming, planting, growing, healthy food, eductional, blahblahblah, priceless.

The End.

Neanderthal Tolerances

You know when you're out in nature, becoming one with it, communing, finding your inner peace and shit like that? And then you hear buzzing. So you swat near your ear but the buzzing persists. And you swat again and this time the buzzing gets closer. Like it's in your ear. And you swat again but the buzzing doesn't stop.

And you think, "what the fuck?"

And then you think you should probably stop breathing through your mouth, or something will fly in and stay for cocktails.

You know when that happens?

That's what I was thinking about as the buzzing thing tried to move into my ear. And I started to wonder about neanderthals and if they had this problem as they walked across the plains or through the woods or wherever the hell they walked. Did they think about the insects buzzing in their ears? Did they swat at the annoying buzzing?

Or did they welcome the buzzer and allow it into their ears to nest and make a hive. Perhaps build a honeycomb?

One thing leading to another the Neanderthal develop a hive mind and cannot think for themselves. There's the queen Neanderthal ordering around all the drones and workers and killing her mates because she blames them for the pain of childbirth.

And then I think "Maybe the Neanderthals were not indiginous to earth. Maybe they were an attempt by the Borg to colonize pre-industrial earth."

Oh, yes. I know who the Borg are.
And Neanderthals disappeared.

But the bugs are still here. Buzzing around our heads to annoy us. OR maybe they're trying to tell us something.

Resistance is futile.

Local Fauna

I was surfing Google Maps for a coffee shop near where I have to drop my son for a birthday party today when a goldfinch came to visit.

I was about to open the window and heard some scrabbling at the glass, turned around and saw Mr. Curious Goldfinch hanging out with me.

He sat there for minutes. Long enough for me to call in my son and my husband to see. Long enough for me to get up, get my camera and take some pictures. Long enough to endure a bit of movement at close range. Until I got a little too close to the window with my camera. Off he flew.

I opened the window and a few short minutes later, he was back. Cocking his head at me, looking cute and trying to get me to read his mind. I don't read bird minds, but maybe I'll take it up as a hobby.

He's hanging out with me still.

I do think he's trying to tell me something. Like "I want to use your hair for a nest", or "You look fat in that shirt", or "Get off your ass and go do something".

Geez. Everyone's a critic.